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2003-05-20 - 11:54 a.m.

A Question of Religion

No, I�m not going to question your religion. I�m not even going to question mine. Here are two viewpoints from the social sciences. First, sociologists say doesn�t matter whether or not the supernatural exists; as long as people believe that it does, it will affect the way they behave. Secondly, psychology tells us that religion (or spirituality, if you will) contributes toward mental health.

I grew up with a religion that includes lovely traditions. I still practice it � more or less � and I continue to study it. I value the traditions and taught them to my children. I mean, they really learned them. To this day, they can walk into a service anywhere and participate; depending on the strictness of the congregation, they could even lead it. On the other hand, they do not follow it closely. Their friends come from all over, and they tend to incorporate what they like. So do I. We all do.

Even though I value my own religion, I can see the beauty in others. When my small children asked me what religion is, I told them it was the way that people talk to God. It�s still the best definition I can give. And if some people define God differently, or if they don�t believe in the supernatural, well, that�s fine. It still doesn�t change the basic concept.

I saw a newspaper column written by a Moslem clergyman, noting the similarities between Islam and other religions such as Christianity and Judaism. They all stress a belief in God, in charity toward others, in family values. Not long after, I heard about a group in Atlanta that brings twelve-year-olds together to learn about each other�s lives. I say �lives,� because they have a lot more to talk about besides religion. �What�s your school like, what music do you listen to, are your parents strict?� And they learn that they are more alike than different.

And then there is Jerry Falwell, actually standing there and saying �Mohammed was a terrorist.� Uncertain of his facts, knowing that there are people who believe whatever he says, he still sees no harm in opening his mouth to cause trouble. I tend to think that people like Jerry Falwell are the proof that God is merciful and patient. When I hear people talk that way, I want to slam their teeth down their throats.

I�ve said before that it doesn�t even really matter. If the atheists are wrong, the God I know will forgive them. If they are right, there will be no one to forgive or chastise.

So what am I questioning? I guess I�m questioning the mind-set of those established religions which, however well-meaning, have a fatherly viewpoint about their followers. Even the groups that encourage study and learning still believe that they know better than anything you may have learned. I suspect that paternalism, more than any other attitude, has prompted people to grow away from the religion they grew up with.

It makes sense for a person � or group of people � to watch over those who cannot think for themselves. Indeed, the rules of etiquette, of community living, as well as the basis of civil law, are derived from some sort of belief that scared people into obeying. If your religion suggests that you don�t eat foods that could make you sick, you don�t do it � and you don�t get sick. If it tells you not to steal or murder or cheat your neighbor, you don�t do that either (at least in theory) � and you can live within a community. People in a community help and protect each other.

It�s a lot like parenting, where you teach your child to get along without you. And then you step back and allow him to make his own mistakes. Each step the child takes is a step away from you. You stand behind him, ready to catch him if he falls but hoping that he will succeed. The more he learns, the farther he walks away. Yet if you haven�t held him too tightly, he will come back.

Somehow, organized religions have lost sight of the letting go. Long after the people have learned how to take care of themselves and have learned the reasoning behind the commandments, their religious institutions tend to treat them like infants. And I find myself asking where they have lost their purpose.

Among the ancient religions, reading and writing were once the specialty of the clergy. People had to stay on the good side of the priest if they needed to have something written. And the priests were careful not to let just anyone learn to read � those who seemed smart enough were recruited into the priesthood. Let women read? Don�t be ridiculous! Well, after all, the written word is a kind of magic, and it wouldn�t do to allow the magic to be diluted. At least we have gotten beyond that!

I�m happy to say that I�ve never been prevented from learning all I could. I read everything. When I type something � whoever I�m working for � I read it. If you leave a paper on my desk, I�ll read it. Never know when it might come in handy. I learn from what I read, and now I have the whole internet at my disposal. The net even provides a multi-year Hebrew calendar. Nevertheless, the synagogue seems to think that I will be completely bewildered if they don�t remind me when the holidays or special remembrances will be.

What do religious institutions have to lose if people think for themselves, if they make their own decisions? Might I suggest that it�s money? �Money is the root of all evil,� says the churchman, �so give your money to the church.� A thoughtful, caring person might think, �I can do more good with my money if I buy food for the poor.� Over the last couple of years, I have found myself contributing more to private individuals and less to organizations recognized by the IRS. No, I can�t deduct it on my tax return, but somehow I feel better about what I�ve accomplished.

Going back to what the psychologists tell us, isn�t that what it�s about � to make you feel better? Over the years you kind of build your own religion. You keep the parts that make you feel good. You discard what doesn�t feel right to you. I was a member of the same congregation for more than twenty-five years, but I left when I lost the feeling of community. As far as contact with God is concerned, that�s always there; I�ve never needed a middleman.

If I go into a service that�s different from what I expect, I can compensate. They leave out some words, and I quietly insert them. When the leader reads most of the service instead of having the people participate, there�s nothing to stop me from doing my own thing � I do know how. If I take part in a ceremony for another religion, I�ll do the best I can. I was bridesmaid in a Catholic wedding; when I genuflected in the procession (rather than draw attention by not doing it), I was mouthing, �I don�t mean it.�

To sit, to stand, to kneel � everyone has a different interpretation. Our service has a lot of getting up and sitting down again over a three- or four-hour service. But one rabbi told us that, not only may you sit if you�re not well enough to stand � you are obligated to do so.

That seems like a lenient interpretation, but that particular rabbi was offended when I referred to him as the �interpreter.� He also tolerated rather than welcomed women as part of the service. (One of our best features is the ability to terminate the contract of a rabbi who doesn�t fit the congregation. I don�t care if he did like the Who!)

These days I�m more or less doing my own thing, which � strangely enough � beliefnet classes as Unitarian, one thing I�m sure I�m not.

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